God's Design for the Family Part 2: Women in the Family

We're talking about the family this month, and what's God's design for the family? And we had a message last week that was directed to the men. This week, the message is directed to the women, and then we're gonna be looking more at the family as a whole next week. And so I just wanna say, if you weren't here last week, you'll wanna see what I said about the men last week as you consider what we look at this morning as well.

I will also say, for the men, if you haven't signed up for the men's conference yet, which is here in this building on February 7th, great thing to do, you can sign up online, go to the website, hopb.org, get signed up for that. Women, if you are looking for a chance to get together with other women, Thursday, January 29th is coming up, a night of worship down at the sanctuary. Worship, scripture, literature, prayer, realigning with the truth of God's word, using those avenues, so encourage you to look at that as well.

So we looked at the men last week, and the Bible teaches that men are to be the head of their wives, and by implication, also the family. Just a quick review. The word head does mean authority.

It does mean the one who gives direction. Not a lot of specific instructions on how to carry that out, and we're gonna try to talk a little bit more about that next week as we bring men and women and family together next week, but what we saw both in Genesis and in Ephesians that there is an emphasis that men are responsible for their wives and for their families, and we talked about that. We talked about the fact that men are to love their wives, and by implication, their families as well.

Adam was responsible for Eve's sin, and Christ takes responsibility for the sins of the world, and so, men, these are the examples that are set for us. Christ is undeniably the head of the church. Jesus set a great example of what it looked like to lead his disciples, but we also observe he did that through a servant leadership approach.

He served those that he led, so we talked about that last week as well. One of the greatest things I think we can learn, anyone could learn from Jesus, is his selfless nature towards other people. Jesus had the ability to make anyone do anything he wanted, and he could've just had everyone cater towards him, but instead, he lived a life of service, and even said, Mark 10, 45, the Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve and give his life as a ransom for many.

So, men are the head of the family. Men are tasked with taking responsibility, with loving their wives, with serving their wives. That's what we talked about last week.

So, let me pray, and then we're gonna shift our attention to what does the Bible say about women in the family? Father, thank you for your word, the truth that's in it, the truth that sets us free. Lord, we come and we sing about you, and we sing about our desire to follow you and to live for you, and as we look at this this morning, Lord, would you help us to align ourselves in our thinking and our practice with your word? Let it change us, let it make a difference in our families. We pray it in Jesus' name, amen.

Amen. All right, this morning, women in the family. Single women, wives, mothers, all play a significant role in the family.

So, we're gonna start in the beginning, just like we did last week. We'll start in Genesis, and then we're gonna jump over to Colossians and Ephesians as well. Genesis gives us so many foundational truths of our faith, and so, we're gonna start there.

This is what I said last week, and this is what we do every week, but we have decided that we are going to look at the world around us through the lens of God's word, all right? The other alternative is to look at God's word through the lens of the world, and then we're gonna end up in big trouble, all right? So, we're gonna look at our world through the lens of the word. If you were to look at God's word through the lens of the world, you'll hear things like, oh, the Bible and Christianity is demeaning and oppressive towards women. We're not looking through that lens.

We're looking at what God's word says, and believing and understanding that God wrote his word because it's what's best for us. It's what gives us life. It gives us hope for the future.

It gives us hope for the life that we're living today in the world. So, that's the premise that we're going to start with. So, Genesis chapter one, verse 27, and this is where we started last week, God created man in his own image, in the image of God, he created him.

Male and female, he created them. So, Genesis chapter one, it's a summary of the first six days of creation, and then Genesis chapter two looks at some of the details of that creation. So, just like we said last week, both men and women are created in the image of God.

Men and women alike are image bearers of God. We do that imperfectly because of sin in the world, but men and women are on equal ground here. Both have the image of God.

There's not one who's inferior and the other ones who's superior. Both on equal ground, equal value and dignity before God because both men and women are created in the image of God. So, if you remember from last week, move over to Genesis two, where we get into some of the details of what happened.

God created Adam, gave Adam instructions to take care of the Garden of Eden. And Genesis 2.18 says this, the Lord God said, it's not good that man should be alone. I will make a helper fit for him.

All right, this isn't like an uh-oh moment for God. We're not weeks and months in where God's saying, man, this just isn't working out with this guy. What are we gonna do? It's the same day.

God created Adam and Eve on the sixth day. It's the same day. It's not plan B, this is God's design that he would put man in the garden, he would give him responsibility to do and that he wouldn't be able to do it perfectly or even, it doesn't say perfectly, it just wasn't good.

And he needed help to do what God asked him to do. So, he created Eve on the same day. It's God's plan.

I know this morning's for the women, but men, you need help. Amen? Help me. You're better off with help.

But even more importantly, you were designed for help. This is God's design, that men and women would complement each other and be better together than apart. You have to remember, Adam is sinless.

He's living in a perfect world. And God says, it's not good that you're doing this alone. I'm gonna give you somebody to do this with.

So, God says, I'm gonna make a helper fit for him. Now, I realize not everyone, this morning's message is largely leaning towards women who are married. Not everyone's married.

Not all the women here this morning are married and the single women who are here, some of you are planning to get married, some of you are widowed or divorced and are saying, this is, I will not do that again. It's just, it's reality. It's not, there's no negative implication there.

But this is God's plan for the world and so it's important for all of us to hear it. So, we've talked about this before. What does it mean that the woman is a helper, fit or suitable for the man? One of the reasons that women bristle sometimes at this verse is the misapplication of this verse.

And in fact, when Sarah and I were getting ready to get married, we read some of these marriage books and there was one that was a set. One was for him and one was for her. And so, in the book that Sarah read, there was instructions on, especially if your husband's job is stressful, to make sure the kids weren't being rambunctious when he got home.

And that if he had worked hard that day, make sure the kids played quietly so that he could sit on the couch. And like, we're thinking, like, was it Leave it to Beaver? Things like this. It's best if you have dinner ready for him when he gets home, but if you can't, at least have something started so the house smells good when he, okay, I bristle at that too.

That's not what this verse is talking about. Now listen, maybe I'm describing some of your marriages and you're really happy with that. Praise God.

But there's more than that. Can we agree there's more than that? We know that this is describing a strong help because of how the same word is used in other places. So this word helper is the Hebrew word ezer.

Used 21 times in the Old Testament. 16 times, do you know who it's describing? Who the helper is? It's God. When God is our helper, we don't think of him as being optional.

We don't think of him as being inferior. We don't think of him as being weaker. We don't think of him as being dependent on us.

We don't think of someone who serves us to make our life easier. God is the help that we desperately need and we pray for. Amen? This is the type of help that God is saying that the wife will be for her husband.

This isn't a position of weakness and an inferiority and self-serving towards the husband. This is a union. So a husband and wife come together and they can accomplish the great things that God has planned for them.

Together as a couple. It wasn't good that Adam was alone, so Eve was created. So to the women that are here and especially to the wives that are here, your husband desperately needs your help to accomplish all that God has for your family.

I think that's the intention. I think that's the thrust behind this verse and this account of what God's doing here. Genesis 2.24, therefore a man will leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife.

They will become one flesh. So together as one. Let's just jump back for a second to Genesis 1. This is the overview.

Genesis 1.28, together as one, God blessed them and says, God said to them, Adam and Eve together, be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth. God didn't create Eve so that she could cook and clean and do laundry for Adam. God created Eve so that they could be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth, subdue it and have dominion over it.

God had big plans for Adam and Eve. God has big plans for us. And this is why he brings man and woman together.

Adam was given a great responsibility. It wasn't good for him to tackle the responsibility alone. And so Adam and Eve are gonna tackle the responsibility together.

That being said, there is an order. Eve was created to be Adam's helper. And so a wife being her husband's helper describes order, but it's much more about complementary roles than it is about one being, it is not about one being inferior and the other being superior.

Both play a significant role. So if, let's just say this or ask this question, if this is God's design, why is there conflict in marriage? Why is there power struggles within marriage? Well, in chapter three of Genesis, we know sin came into the world. We mentioned that last week as well.

Eve was deceived and ate the fruit. I think it's Genesis 3.6 that tells us that with Adam at her side, he did nothing to intervene. But let's look at towards a little bit further in Genesis chapter three, the results of the sin.

Genesis 3.16, to the woman, this is God speaking, said this, I will surely multiply your pain and childbearing. In pain, you shall bring forth children. And so women, you know, as men, we don't know.

I hear that that's true. But look at the second part of this verse, your desire will be contrary to your husband, but he will rule over you. This is a result of sin in the world.

This is part of the curse. In other words, this isn't part of God's plan, but this is a result of sin in the world. And so it sounds a little disheartening, trying to understand like what exactly does this mean? And if we look here in the next chapter of Genesis, we're gonna see it's pretty much as bad as it sounds.

When Cain and Abel brought their offerings to God, you remember that God was pleased with Abel's offering, but he was not pleased with Cain's offering. And so scripture describes Cain as being both angry and disappointed. Like he was in some way trying to please God, even if he wasn't doing it the right way.

And this is what God says to Cain, Genesis 4.7. If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door. Now listen to the description of sin. Sin's desire is contrary to you, but you must rule over it.

It's almost verbatim the same phrasing from the curse. So here in this situation with Cain, sin's desire was contrary to Cain. Jesus, I think it's Jesus, I don't know, somewhere, I think it's Jesus, describes Satan as one who wants to steal, kill, and destroy.

That's a description of sin in our lives. Sin seeks to destroy us, to control us, to overcome us. And God says to Cain, you must rule over it.

You must fight back. You must take a stand. You must conquer sin in your life.

Is this how we want to describe a marriage? No, this isn't God's design, it's God's curse. I'm not suggesting that any woman wants to kill and devour her husband. But it does say that your desire will be contrary to your husband and he will rule over you.

And so this conflict and this abuse of the husband-wife relationship is a result of sin in the world. So God has a plan and it is a good plan, but sin has marred this plan. So God's design, husband and wife working together to accomplish all that God has for them.

All right, so what is the woman's or what is the wife's role in this partnership? We're gonna go to the New Testament now to see how it's laid out. And Colossians and Ephesians says very similar things. Colossians 3.18 says, "'Wives, submit to your husbands "'as is fitting in the Lord.'" Ephesians 5.22, very similar.

"'Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.'" Continuing there, verse 23, "'The husband is the head of the wife, "'even as Christ is the head of the church, "'his body, and is himself its Savior.'" We talked more about that verse last week. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. So let's just remember, and we talked a little bit about this last week, but we'll apply it to our situation this morning.

In the Scriptures, God is described as the head of Christ. And we see that Christ submits to the Father. In the Garden of Gethsemane, remember Jesus' prayer, "'Not my will, but yours be done.'" Bible also talks about Jesus going to the cross joyfully.

So we have this picture of God is the head, Jesus submitting to the Father, even though we know as we look at Scripture, Jesus and the Father are one, they are equal. We're not suggesting that God the Father is superior to Jesus the Son. They're equal.

They have equal value, equally divine in their character and their attributes. And yet there is an order within the Trinity. And so there is an order there.

There is an order in the church. Ephesians 520, or excuse me, we just read it, what verse is it? 24, Ephesians 524. The church submits to Christ, there's an order there.

Ephesians 521, we Christians are to submit to one another. If we had time to go back to Ephesians 5, verse 18, you will see that it all requires the filling of the Holy Spirit. We need to be filled with the Holy Spirit in order to accomplish any of this.

The model needs husbands and wives both to be filled with the Spirit, to flourish and to fulfill the roles that God has laid out for them. Romans chapter 13 talks about that each person should be subject to the governing authorities. In other words, the law of the land, we should submit ourselves to it.

So the Christian life calls for submission and humility in so many different aspects. In our culture today, the idea of submitting to someone means like you've been outsmarted, outmatched, outmaneuvered, and so I guess I just have to give in. That's not what we're talking about.

That's not what God is describing as the relationship between the husband and wife. To submit means to place yourself in an order, to place yourself under in an orderly fashion. It's used often to describe how the military is set up.

In the Greek, it's used to describe that. Often in the Bible, it means to place under in an orderly fashion. So we're talking about how are things to be ordered.

Wives are to submit or to place themselves under the authority of their husbands. Okay, so a few things that this means and a few things that this doesn't mean. In both Colossians and Ephesians, there's a comment after the command.

Wives, submit to your husbands, and then there's a comment in both of them. In Colossians 3.18, it said as fitting to the Lord. In Ephesians 5.22, it says as to the Lord.

So wives, because you serve the Lord and because you love the Lord and because you seek to be obedient to the Lord, you should submit to your husbands. So in other words, if you say I love the Lord, he's my savior, I'm following him, this is what he would tell you to do. Submit to your husbands.

In other words, you submit to your husband because of who God is and your relationship with him, not because of who your husband is and your relationship with him. It's because of God that you would choose to submit to your husbands. It's not even because you love your husband that you submit to him.

It's because you love God that you would submit to your husband. Verse 24, an important verse. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

So this first part, the church submits to Christ, it is a statement of fact. It's the way that it is. It's not saying that the church should submit to Christ, it's saying the church does submit to Christ.

That's how it works. We come to Christ when we surrender to him. We say, I'm a sinner, Lord.

I can't save myself, but you were perfect. You died on the cross, you paid for my sins. We come to the Lord in submission.

It's the way that it works. But then it says the wives should submit to their husbands in everything. So in other words, wives equal with their husbands in their standing before God, equal in value, equal in dignity, equal in honor, should voluntarily place themselves under the authority of their husbands.

So this is important. The Bible doesn't say you are under the authority of your husbands, the Bible says you should place yourself there. And as we talked about last week, husbands who bear great responsibility, who are tasked with loving their wives, who are tasked with serving their wives, who are tasked with leading as Jesus led.

It's not about inferior or superior. It's not about who's smarter. It's not about who makes more money.

It's not about who's the natural leader. It's about God giving order. A few things that it doesn't mean.

Okay, it doesn't say women to men. It says wives to husbands. Can women run a department at work, or be the CEO or the owner of a company with men underneath them and do really well at that? Absolutely.

This is husbands to wives. God's given order for the family, not for the workplace. It doesn't mean that the wife has no voice.

Wives, your husband needs to hear your thoughts, your opinions, your ideas, your suggestions. Husbands, remember, it wasn't good for you to be alone. I know it's just for the men, or for the women this morning, but to the men, you need to listen.

You need to hear, consider. Ask Rachel, I know she heard. The only reason this model is flawed is because of sin, and it's not just Adam's sin, it's our sin too.

We all fall short of the glory of God. God's model is for the husband to be the loving head and the wife to be the strong and respectful helper. We've already described the strength and significance of that word helper.

As they work together to accomplish all that God has for their family. So women, yes, bristle, if your husband tries to make this about cooking, cleaning, laundry. Man, how insignificant all of that is to think that God has a plan for your family, and he wants you guys to work together to accomplish it.

One other thing that I need to mention, wives, never submit to sin or abuse. I just said, we all fall short of the glory of God. In an issue of sin, wives, be filled with the spirit.

Ephesians 5.18, help your husband see the truth. In an instance of abuse, get help. Call the church office, call 911 if that is required.

Seek counsel from a pastor, trusted friend. We're not talking about issues of sin or abuse here. God's plan is a good plan.

We're the ones that mess it up. I know I've focused mostly on wives here this morning. That's what the text dictated.

And I've really, I feel like, just tried to lay the foundation of what does God's word say, and we haven't really gotten to, well, what does that actually look like? So we're gonna continue with the family next week, and we didn't really get to a whole lot what it looks like for the man last week either, so what does that look like next week? We're also gonna consider the kids in the family as well. But for those of you who are single, and ladies, and hope to be married one day, choose wisely who you're gonna say I do to. And like I said, some of you maybe have no plans for marriage or remarriage.

Be a good, and wise, and godly, and biblical friend when you have the opportunity. God had a plan from the beginning for our families, and it's a good plan. We're gonna try and wrap it up next week.

We're just gonna close this morning. Similar to last week, I wanna pray for the women that are here. And if you'll allow me to make one substitution from the verse that we read last week, we're gonna apply it to the women, and I'm gonna read this verse and pray for the women.

So I want the women to stand up, and just as we closed last week, in Nehemiah, when the walls were being rebuilt, there were those who were opposed to God's work. And the work of God that we're talking about this morning is to be biblical women. And we're talking about the role, specifically, of women in the family.

And Nehemiah said this to those who are being opposed. And women, there are those who would oppose you being women of God in this area. And I would just say the same thing that Nehemiah said so long ago.

Do not be afraid of those who would oppose you. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers and sisters, for your sons and daughters, your husbands, and your homes. Why don't you bow your heads with me? Lord, and for the men that are here, if you came with one of these women that are standing, why don't you hold their hand or place your hand on them in a sign of support and encouragement to them.

And Lord, I'm so thankful for these women that are standing this morning, who have such a significance and influence in our families. They have so much power to affect the outcome of what takes place in our families. And God, I'm so thankful for the women that are standing here this morning, for those who are choosing to do what is right.

Lord, I pray that by their standing, they're saying, I want to do what is right. I wanna learn even more what it looks like to be a godly woman, a woman of influence in my family. And God, we can't ignore, we can't get away from the fact that you created order for the family.

And Lord, I pray that the women here this morning would embrace that order. Lord, I don't know where I would be. I guarantee I wouldn't be standing here behind this pulpit without the woman that you have so graciously given to me, my wife, Sarah.

And just as you've been gracious to give me what I need, you've been so gracious to give so many men in this congregation what they need, in the wives and the mothers and the sisters that are standing here this morning. So Lord, would you strengthen them for the work that you've called them to do? Lord, would you encourage them to continue to do the work that you've called them to do? And Lord, would we see that you're calling us to so much more than just keeping our spouses happy, but that you've given us great work to do? Lord, help us to embrace that. We pray it in Jesus' name, amen.