God's Design for the Family Part 1: Men in the Family

How many of you have observed this? This is something that I've observed and some of you have lived longer than me but the longer I live the more changes I see. Anybody experience that? I'm seeing some nodding heads. The longer we live the more change we experience.

I don't think there's any way to avoid that. Some of it's good. Some of it's bad.

Maybe some of it is indifferent. We have to remember though that there's something that never changes. What is it? God's word.

God's word never changes. His instruction to us is always the same and so we always have to be realigning our beliefs and our behaviors according to God's word because as things change what do we tend to do? We kind of go with the flow, don't we? And then we realize, oh man, God's word's back over here and so we have to make changes in our lives to constantly align ourselves with God's word and that's something that I think is really important as we consider this topic this morning. I'm excited to kick the new year off with this series.

We will get back to the book of Acts. We'll resume in Acts chapter five, Lord willing, at the end of the month. But for now we're gonna talk about God's design for the family.

If you remember, maybe, in August of last year we were working our way through Colossians and we got to Colossians chapter three. We read these verses, verses 18 through 21. It said this.

Wives, submit to your husbands as fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything for this pleases the Lord.

And fathers, do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged. And I commented at the time, man, those verses would make a great outline for a sermon series. Well, here we are.

We're gonna be talking about those things in the next few weeks. We're gonna talk about men in the family, women in the family, and kids in the family. And so today we're starting with men in the family.

When it comes to our families, as in any part, anything in life, it is important to know what God's word says and to form our beliefs around what God's word says. And obviously that's pretty basic and I could say that any given week. But I think what we find is we have a choice to make as we go through life.

And this is the choice. Will we look at the world through the lens of God's word or will we look at God's word through the lens of the world? It's a big difference there. And when it comes to family, our culture has significantly shifted on a lot of normals 50 years ago or not normals today.

And so we have to look at the world through the lens of God's word. So we start with God's word and that's how we determine how we're gonna look at the world and how we're gonna live in the world. We wanna know what God's design is and what God's best is when it comes to our families.

So some of the things we're gonna talk about are controversial today to say that there are gender differences and that there are distinct roles between men and women are not something that just sort of widely accepted, let's say, in our country today. But these are the things that God's word teaches and so we wanna understand that. So like I said, big subject to cover.

If you have questions, write them on the back of the bulletin, drop them off. I wanna look at just, try to do a couple of things. Look at some foundational principles and some practical applications and I also just wanna say, there's gonna be overlap each week.

So really to get the whole sermon series, you gotta be here all three weeks to get the big picture or be here as much as you can and listen to the other ones online after the fact. So today we're gonna start with men in the family. Husbands, fathers, and single men in the family.

So let's pray and we're gonna jump into it. Father, thank you for what you have to teach us about families. We're gonna see this morning that this is something that is God-ordained, something that you determined would be the best right from the beginning.

And so Lord, we just ask that you would give us ears to hear as we read your word, as we do our best to understand it and then of course apply it to our lives. We pray it in Jesus' name, amen. Pope John Paul II once said, as the family goes, so goes the nation and so goes the whole world in which we live.

And a lot of people have added to that since then. As the man goes, so goes the family. And you say, well, that's kind of a chauvinistic thing to say.

But when we talk about troubled children, for example, this would be one reason why we would say that. You talk about troubled children, you're talking about whether they're kids in prison or youth detention centers, high school dropouts, homeless, runaway, kids dealing with suicide, mental and behavior health issues. You know what the largest common factor is? It's not education, it's not poverty or financial stability.

It's not race, it's not gender. It's that they grew up in a home without a father. Men in the family are very significant.

We have men, we have a significant role in the well-being of your family. And those are just some statistics about kids, but I mean, it applies to the whole family. So we're gonna look at what God says about the family from the beginning, and then also in the New Testament as well.

So let's go to Genesis chapter one. And you might think, man, Pastor Jeff always ends up back in Genesis chapters one, two, and three. Well, there is so much foundational truth in those first few chapters of Genesis.

And so that's why we go back to it, because I want you to be able to say in a conversation that you're having with someone who disagrees with you about what's important in a family. Well, this is what God's word says, and this is why I'm living the way that I'm living. So Genesis chapter one, verse 26, God said, I think this is day six, let us make man in our image after our likeness and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.

Verse 27, so God created man in his own image, in the image of God, he created him, male and female, he created them. We're gonna talk about women in the family next week, but notice here in these verses, there's an equality between men and women. Men and women are both created in the image of God.

And so we both have this role in life today to bear the image of God in the world. The image of God is imprinted on us, and that's what we were born to do. Of course, that image has been barred by sin.

We bear that image imperfectly, but the intent of creation, men and women together would bear the image of God. So Genesis chapter two gets into some of the details of creation. We see that Adam was created first.

Genesis 2, 15 through 17 says this, the Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it. And the Lord commanded the man saying, you may surely eat of every tree in the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, you shall not eat. For in the day that you eat of it, you will surely die.

Okay, so here at the very beginning, Adam is alone in the garden. And in this perfect world, Adam is given a job to do. In a perfect world, God says, Adam, you have work to do.

There are parameters by which you are to do this work. And I'm giving you this work and I'm giving you these parameters for your own good. If you stray outside of the parameters, you're going to die.

So I'm giving you some parameters and I want you to do work. Adam is given responsibility in the garden. And that's the first point for this morning.

Men are given responsibility. Right from the very beginning, before women were on the earth, before there was sin in the earth, God tells Adam to work, to keep the garden. He has a job to do.

Take care of everything. He puts just a simple guardrail in there. Don't eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, or you will surely die.

Of course, very quickly on the same day, Lord God said, it's not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helper fit for him. And so very quickly, day six, Adam and Eve were both created on the same day.

Adam and Eve come together and they are in the garden together. So we're going to talk about it next week, what it means for the wife to be her husband's helper, what it means to be a helper fit for him. It's not an inferior role.

It is a different role. And that's one of the lies in society today is that equality means you do all the same things. And really it's more about who we are.

Equality is more about who we are than what we do. But anyways, we'll talk more about that next week. Men are given responsibility.

The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it. It was good for Adam to be productive. God calls us men to be contributors, not just consumers.

So men, how are you contributing? In the workplace, in your homes, and in the church. Three great places to contribute. Young fellas, do you have a job? And I say that with a bit of a smirk on my face.

We got some great young fellas in this church, right? But if you don't, you should either get a job or you should be getting training so that you will be able to get a job and provide for yourself and your families. Proud of the young men in our church. They're doing a good job with that.

Men, are you contributing in your home? Not just, you know, do you work, pay the bills, make sure the roof's not leaking. Those are all important contributions. But are you contributing in the family life? Are you contributing in your relationship with your wife and with the kids or with the grandkids? Are you engaging with your wife and your kids on a daily basis? And then in the church.

Men, are you involved in the church? If you can hear me, you're here, so praise the Lord, you're doing good. But there's more than just coming on Sunday morning and consuming. Are you contributing to the body of Christ? So I think we see right at the very beginning, men are responsible to contribute, and I'm suggesting three places that you could start, at work, at home, and in the church.

Probably not in that order. Home, church, and work, right? But married men are also, that's all men, specifically married men, you are responsible for your families. In Genesis chapter three, Adam and Eve are in the garden together, experiencing all the goodness that are there.

They're working it, they're keeping it. It wasn't enough. One tree, remember, they weren't supposed to eat from.

They could eat from every other tree, except for the tree of knowledge of good and evil. But Genesis 3, 6 says this, when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took the fruit and ate it. If that's all that was said, you'd think, didn't Adam tell her the rules? Right? But there's more.

She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. He was standing right there. Adam was given the rules.

He let Eve disobey the rules, and then he joined her in it. What's really interesting is who is held responsible. We don't have time to read the whole chapter this morning, but finish reading Genesis chapter three, and you'll see that Eve is responsible for her sin.

And the consequence of her sin affects her. Adam has consequences for his sin that affect the whole world. In Romans chapter five, and you have to read it on your own to get the full picture, but it also speaks of this sin that took place in the Garden of Eden.

And Adam is the one held responsible. Romans 5 verse 12 says this, therefore just as sin came into the world through one man and death through sin, and so death spread to all men because all sin, and you read that whole chapter, and you see that he's talking about Adam. Sin came into the world through Adam, and through Adam all have sinned.

Adam was held responsible. Eve ate first. Adam was responsible.

Now he's not guilty for Eve's sin, but he was standing right there. He could have done something. He could have led her.

He could have said something. He could have taken the fruit. Instead, he just participated.

So married men, you are responsible for your family. There should be some weight with that statement. Be involved.

Be involved with your wife. Be involved with your kids. Be involved with your grandkids.

Don't just let things happen in your house. You have a special position given to you by God to speak into the lives of the people that are in your family, and you'll be held accountable for it. You will bear some responsibility for what you allow to happen in your household.

So maybe the question is, well, where does a man's responsibility for his family begin and end? Are we all responsible for the things that we do? How can I say that someone else is responsible for the wrong that I do? So there's some questions there, and definitely each one of us will be held accountable before God for what each one of us do with our lives. But there is a sense that men are held responsible for their families. We're going to see that again in the New Testament.

So let's just jump over there. The New Testament provides some answers and then also raises some more questions. So 1 Corinthians 11 verse 3, Paul writes this, I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ.

The head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. Now depending on your translation, that middle statement, you might have the head of a woman is a man, but I think the implication and the better translation would be wife and her husband. We'll see a little bit more why of that here in just a minute.

So this word head is defined in a variety of ways, but I think the most applicable understanding in this context is we're talking about the one who's in a position of authority or the one who gives direction. You want to talk about bristling at something. The head of a wife is her husband.

What we're seeing in this verse is God ordained order. And I think when we look at it more carefully, we won't bristle, but we're like, wow, that's amazing. So the very first one, the head of every man is Christ.

Not talking about every Christian is Christ. The head of every man is Christ. The head of every person is Christ.

Last week, Nate challenged us to live a life of surrender to God. And what he pulled from Luke chapter nine, it was the right application that our appropriate response to God is to live in submission and surrender to him. Not all men submit to the authority of Christ in their lives.

Have you observed that? Not just talking about Christian man, I'm just talking about people in general. Those who do find everlasting life. So Christ is the head of every person.

Let's just jump to the last one, then we'll come back to the one in the middle. The head of Christ is God. Now the Bible teaches that there's unity within the Trinity, that they're the God, the father, God, the son, God, the Holy Spirit.

Jesus even said, I and the father are one. So they're one in nature and they're one in divine character. Yet it was God, the father, who sent the son to earth to die on the cross for our sins.

And then it was the son who said, I will send the spirit who will be your helper. So we see that within the Trinity, we have God, the father, God, the son, God, the Holy spirit. They are equal.

They are one. They are all God. And yet they have different roles.

And this verse says that the head of Christ is God. So, and we see that Jesus willingly, and in scripture even says joyfully submitted himself to the father and went to the cross on our behalf. Equally one with different roles.

We look, if you read through Ephesians chapter one, it describes God planning salvation before the foundation of the world. It describes Jesus as the one who came into the world and died, that we might be redeemed and be forgiven. And it describes the spirit as the one who seals us for the day of redemption.

So God, the father, God, the son, God, the Holy spirit, all one, all equal, different roles in our salvation experience. So you could, you could say, well, could you say, well, that's not fair. That God is the head of Christ.

They should be equal, right? But they are equal. And God is the head of Christ. What we're seeing is that God created an order when he created things.

So when we come to that, the, where are we here? The head of a wife is her husband. Back here in first Corinthians 11, three. This is God's perfect plan for marriage.

God's perfect plan within the Trinity would, was that God would be the head of Christ and within marriage. It's that man, the husband would be the head of the wife. Now, unfortunately we imperfectly carry this out, right? And that's why, that's why we bristle at it.

Because we see so many cases where this isn't done well. Now notice, man, it doesn't say that you have an option. This is your reality.

You're the head of your family. You're the head of your wife. It's not like, well, I think that that's the role I'll take.

That is the role that you have. The question is, are you carrying it out well? All right, so what does it mean? What does it mean that the man is the head of his wife? Don't we, don't we ask that? Have you ever asked that before? The reason we ask the question is because it's not just like perfectly, clearly explained for us in the scripture, but there are some things that are said in the scripture. So we're going to look at those things.

We'll go to Ephesians chapter five. And I think that what we're going to see is that headship is less about giving orders and it's more about taking responsibility. Ephesians 5, 23 restates what was written to the church in Corinth.

Remember, sorry, sorry. In Colossae we started that the, the husbands are to, I'm getting, I'm getting ahead of myself. Verse 25 husbands.

Love your wives. Verse 23 says this. The husband is the head of the wife.

That's what it said in Corinthians, but it adds something even as Christ is the head of the church, his body and is himself its savior. We started with this. Adam was held responsible for Eve's sin.

And that men have responsibility for their families. Is that a fair statement? Well, fair or not. I think it's the truth.

The husband verse 23 is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church. So in what way is that true? The husband is the head of why the wife, just as Christ is the head of the church. How does that apply? How is that true? It tells us Jesus as the head of the church became its savior by taking responsibility for the sins of the world, going to the cross for our sins and dying that we might have life.

Is that fair? It's God or God's ordained plan. God, the father, the head of Christ ordained that Christ would go into the world and die for the sins of the world. Jesus took responsibility for our sins, even though none of them were his.

I think that's one of the ways that the man is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. We take responsibility for our families. That's the reality of being a husband.

So what do we do? There's no opting out. That's reality. That's the way that it is.

So verse 25 continues with instructions to the husbands with this reality. You're going to be responsible for your wife and your families. It says as husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

Now when I first was thinking about this, this series and what we're going to talk about, I mentioned I already read Colossians chapter three and verse 19 says husbands love your wives and do not be harsh with them. And so I thought, well, we'll start there and we'll go to Ephesians chapter five, verse 25. And we'll talk about men loving their husbands or excuse me, men loving their wives.

That's the world's thinking, right? We're biblical this morning. So, okay. All that we've talked about is not the introduction.

We're not just getting to the main part of the message. We're just going to jump to some application. I think that we've, we've heard this before, right guys, have you heard husbands love your wives, right? The self-sacrificial continual love, even if there's no response or the response isn't the response you were hoping to get, they respond and they're angry.

They don't even notice. You just constantly love, constantly love, constantly give of yourself, constantly serve. Isn't that what Christ came and did? He humbled himself.

He served, he loved, he had compassion. He was gracious. Husbands, this is how you are to treat your wives.

What are some of the things we talked about this morning? God created men to be responsible. Man, be responsible at work, at home, here at church. We haven't even really talked about this, but guys, and you could, you could read Titus chapter two talks about older men teaching the younger men.

This applies to all men. It's not married men, all men teach the younger men what it looks like to walk with the Lord. What does it look like to live a life of submission and surrender to God for the guys who aren't married? Take the idea of getting married seriously.

It's not about making your life better. It's a commitment to love and serve your wife for the rest of your life. And if you do that, then the likely outcome is life will be better.

But that's not what you're signing up for. You're signing up to love and serve your wife for the rest of your life. Man, if you are married, love your wives.

It's the greatest thing you can do in life next to loving God. Jesus set the example. He had all the power and authority to do whatever he wanted.

And he chose to humble himself. He chose to be a servant. He chose to live for others.

He chose to go to the cross on our behalf. He fought against sin and wrongdoing with a strong but gentle spirit. You want to know men what it looks like to love your wives.

Look at the example of Jesus. Put that into practice. First Corinthians chapter 16 verse 13 says this, men be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men and be strong.

Stand watch over your family. You know, we like to joke. Oh, yeah, I'm just, yeah, I'm just a dad.

I don't know what's going on until my wife tells me what's okay. Ha ha. Funny, funny.

You know, I don't know half our social engagements either. But guys, you got to be responsible for your family. Be watchful.

Know what's going on. Know who your kid's friends are. Know who your wife's friends are.

Be concerned about who your friends are. Be watchful. Be firm in your faith.

Decide that within your family, you're going to do things God's way. Lead your family in the faith. Verse 14 says this, let all that you do be done in love.

Lead your wife and your family with humility and love. There's no room for arrogance, domineering, overbearing. Leave that stuff at the door.

That's not what it means to be the head of your family or the head of your wife. All right, I told you you could make a note on the back of the bulletin if I didn't cover something. There's so much we could talk about this morning.

There's so much we could talk about next week when we get to women in the family. I want to encourage the men this morning as we get ready to close. You have been given, 2 Peter 1.3 tells us, everything you need for life and godliness through your knowledge of him, and I'll add from other scriptures, and through the power of the Holy Spirit.

The things that we've talked about this morning, you can do. By God's grace, as you look to him, these aren't things that just naturally come to us. We'll talk a little bit more next week.

Naturally, we want to be overbearing and domineering, and we're called to love and to serve. We mentioned the men's conference coming up. Great way to connect with women.

We're going to be talking about serving your family, serving your church, serving your community this year at the men's conference. We have men's Bible studies. We have men's small groups.

You don't have to do it alone. There's other men in this church that you can shoulder up beside and say, hey, this is where I'm having trouble. Would you pray for me? What have you got going on? Let me pray for you.

In Nehemiah chapter 4, they were rebuilding the walls of Jerusalem, and there were those that opposed Jerusalem being rebuilt, and so they were in opposition to the work of God, which in Nehemiah was rebuilding the walls. We've been talking about the work of God this morning, and that is men standing up and leading their families, taking the responsibility that God's given them seriously. There are many who oppose men doing that in our culture and our world today.

So let me read to you what Nehemiah said to the men at that time. In Nehemiah chapter 4 verse 14, I don't think I have it for the screen, but Nehemiah says, I looked and arose and said to the nobles and the officials and to the rest of the people, do not be afraid of them. Don't be afraid of the ones that would oppose what it looks like to be a godly man in the world today.

Remember the Lord who is great and awesome and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your homes. Your families are worth fighting for, man. Let's be the men that God calls us to be.

And if you say, I'm going to be the man that God calls me to be, that doesn't mean you stand up a little bit taller, start beating your chest. It means that you love and you serve and be kind and gracious and compassionate with an inner strength from the Lord to do what's right no matter if anybody else is doing it. We're going to close like this this morning.

I want all the men in here to stand because I'm going to pray for you this morning. And ladies that are seated, if one of these guys that are standing, you showed up with them this morning, just put your hand on them as a sign of support and encouragement to them. Men, we have an important role.

Women have an important role too. We're going to talk about that next week. But let's make a commitment to say, God, whatever you ask me to do, I'm willing to do it.

The head of every man is Christ. Let's live lives submitted and surrendered to him. Fathers, we stand before you this morning.

We acknowledge that what we've been talking about this morning is not something we can do on our own, but you don't ask us to do it on our own. You tell us to abide in you. You actually tell us apart from you, we can do nothing.

And so Lord, we look to you this morning, the author and perfecter of our faith, recognizing that we are inadequate, but you are more than enough. You've given us a big responsibility for our families. And I know not every man standing here this morning is a husband or a father.

It's still part of families, still have influence, still have people that look to them. But first of all, help us to be men of honor and integrity before you. Help us to have the strength to say, you're my God and I will follow you wherever you lead me.

And as we look at your word and we've seen this morning, you've given us responsibility. You call us to work. You call us to take responsibility.

You call us to love, to serve. So Father, as we look into the scripture and see what you ask us to do, and as we read your word and we read anything about how Christ treats the church, about how Christ sacrificed and served, Lord, help us to remember that that's how we are to treat our, specifically our wives, but also our families. Christ had the strength to oppose wrong and to teach what was right.

Help us to be men like that. And God, help us always to remember your word is true and when we align ourselves with us, you promise us life and life to the full. Let us not be deceived by the lies that the enemy would tell us, but what it looks like to be a man and what a family's supposed to, how a family's supposed to operate, but would we look to you in your word and we just praise you, God, for who you are and how you're gonna work in our lives.

Pray it in Jesus' name, amen.